How To Decide

Since I started sharing our Journey so many doors have opened.  I have received emails and recommendations that have been so valuable.  We are so over joyed with how many wonderful people we have in our life.

With that being said.... MY HEAD IS SWIMMING!

We have received amazing leads on how to adopt domestically.  We were even recommended to an amazing consultant that would guide us the rest of the way.

We still can't decide what direction to pursue??? I am about to share our hearts so please don't judge us.  I am just going to be real and honest.  These are the thoughts we are struggling with. Most are very worldly so please know we are praying and trust that God will work on our heart through this.

Foster/Adoption
Pros

• Affordable
• Easier process to receive the child
• Great ministry opportunity and such a need.  
• The child will be able to see a Jesus like love because of what they are brought out of.
• We would have an option for a 3 or 4 year old so Tyler can have a sibling close in age
• Tyler will learn a lot about the sinful world we live in and how to serve and love when it is hard.
• Benefits from the state like college tuition.

Cons

• Most of the children come from very troubled homes.  Sexual abuse, drugs, and physical abuse.
• Will have to deal with the courts and biological family and their baggage.
• Could be hard on Tyler depending on the emotions the child brings to our family.
• Could be hard on Tyler if the child is taken out of our family.

Private Adoption

Pros

• It would be like having a baby (without the pregnancy of course)
• Safe/Healthy- We will know the parents and their history and will have more of a choice
• We will get to raise the child from the very beginning. (The baggage won't be as hard on the child)
• There is a great opportunity for ministry through an open adoption type relationship with the parents or birth mom.

Cons

• Expensive - We will have to take out a loan, fund raise, and trust the Lord in providing
• Longer process and more involved
• I (Melissa) am not good with babies.  I (Melissa) am a major worrier and don't calm down until they are about a year old.  ( this weighs heavy on me)
• If we happen to get pregnant in the next 2 years I will be raising two babies!
• Tyler will not have a sibling close in age because he is already almost 6

I am sure there are more but this is our heads right now. We are still researching and praying a ton and again are so thankful for all the people that have reached out.  XOXO  Hopefully we can decide soon so we can get this toot home.

Why not International?

Here is the low down on why we moved away from a China International Adoption

Lifeline Child International Breakdown

We started with this chart and looked through each country trying to figure out what is best for our family.  The agency we started with is Lifeline Child.  They are amazing. We settled on China because it seemed like a good fit. But as we got further in the process we started realizing that most of these kids have major special medical needs.  My heart broke.  We started searching through pictures and trying to figure out how to even begin thinking through some of the medical problems these kids are dealing with.  Then I had this sick feeling.

Why am I so scared to trust the Lord in providing?  Providing funding for the surgeries when the child is home, providing unknown unfamiliar care for the medical needs of the child.  Our social worker told us that even the most minimal special need could require up to 8 surgeries. How much is this going to effect Tyler?  I cried my way through the interview call with the social worker.  She eased my mind and heart and said that God does not call everyone to a special needs adoption and you might not be that family He is calling. 

So we sat on it for a few days, prayed, and agreed to choose a different direction for now. We feel that maybe some day when Tyler is a little older that might be a better time.

This week a received some great information on Foster to Adopt.  We are going to a training session in a couple weeks to find out more.  Just from the initial phone interview it sounds like a great option.  I was surprised to hear the home study is free! The likelihood of getting a child younger then 3 is slim to none but this sounds like a great option.

Please feel free to message me on reasons you chose International verses Domestic or why you chose to go through the state verses a private adoption.  Any information helps!  melteague@gmail.com

Also I hear all the time..... "My friend just adopted a baby from Texas"  I absolutely have not seen how to do this.  There are agencies and the waiting list are crazy.  But if you are reading this and have information on how I find pregnant moms wanting to give their baby up for adoption, I would love to hear more!

**** Disclaimer- I am not a good writer and horrible at grammar and spelling.  So please show grace and know my blog post are for those that are interested in our adoption journey. <3 <3

Three Question Thursday????

Every Thursday I will post 3 questions we seem to get when we open up about our Journey to Adopt!

It has been interesting seeing the reactions and questions that are asked from people when you disclose that you are adopting.  Here are 3 big common ones.

#1 - Is there a fertility problem? Usually this is followed by great doctor recommendations.
Answer - We have no known fertility problems. We choose to not do further testing and medicine to help with production. We have had one miscarriage.  Which helped us to feel confident that we can get pregnant again. Why are we not going further medically?? We honestly don't have a easy answer. Every time we discuss adoption we consider exhausting the medical route first but just don't feel right about it. We finally felt like God has a child out there for us and that He wants us to search for that child through adoption and now is that time.

#2 - Will you keep trying to have your own biological child? The answer is yes. Just because we are not taking medical measures to do it doesn't mean we wont continue to pray for a little miracle and no we don't need hotel stays and more alone time. Although that is wonderful for any hard working parent. We believe Gods timing is the key and a better diet, less stress, and a world full of no obstacles could help;)

#3 - You aren't fostering are you?  Do you know how hard that is going to be on Tyler? Yes and Yes! Adoption in general is going to be hard on Tyler and right now we feel like fostering might be the right fit for our family. There is no perfect formula.  We know there is risk in it all.  But there is also a risk having a child.  So we are trusting that the Lord has this!

**** Disclaimer- I am not a good writer and horrible at grammar and spelling.  So please show grace and know my blog post are for those that are interested in our adoption journey. <3 <3

Adoption Journey Take 500

This is me right now!  When we first discussed adopting, which was 4 years ago.  I would have never thought it would be this crazy.  I had expectations.  I have learned in the past 36 years of my life that expectations are a big NO NO and sabotage everything!

We finally feel like this is the time God is calling us to dive in and take the leap.  What does that even mean???? 

The great thing is everyone has a friend that has adopted.....

The bad thing is all these friends have a different adoption story or journey.....

Domestic........

International...........

International Special Needs.............

Foster Care.................

Foster to Adopt......................

There are so many great options but figuring out what is best for our family is a tough one and you can't get started until you decide what option is best for you. I am weeding through my selfish heart.  My heart wants a perfect little kid/baby that will be completely healthy and will fit right into our family.

That my friends is not reality!

We started our process applying for a domestic baby and our application wasn't accepted.   Then we found a wonderful agency for an International Adoption.  We were going this direction until yesterday.  For some reason we feel like International Adoption is just not right for our family right now. This is really bad but I truly wish a stork would just drop a 1 year old sweetheart at my front door.

Isaiah 40:28-31

Do you not know? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom.  He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.  Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall;  but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

So this week is a week of more paperwork, more prayer, and seeking for direction in where God has this sweet child of ours and trusting that He will give us the strength to LOVE and SUPPORT our child in this life.


**** Disclaimer- I am not a good writer and horrible at grammar and spelling.  So please show grace and know my blog post are for those that are interested in our adoption journey. <3 <3

Our Journey Through Adoption

This week has been very trying as we are beginning the adoption process.  I found this cute post from another blogger.  Stay tuned.... My next post will bring you up to speed.

http://detailorienteddiva.blogspot.com/2012/06/adoption-subway-art.html